ditacation 2017: the art of the teese tour

It’s the rare would-be pinup girl who doesn’t idolize Dita Von Teese. The last time she came through Chicago on tour, I couldn’t find anyone to go with me and missed it. But I’m older and bolder than I was then, so when I heard that her new The Art of the Teese tour would be kicking off in Chicago, I got myself a ticket.

Before the Show

To save the stress of trying to get home after a late show, I got a hotel room near the venue…and suddenly, it became a mini-vacation! Anytime I stay in a hotel, things just feel extra fab. I know a lot of people get tired of them over time, but I’m still in the “super fun” camp! So I hopped a bus down to Chicago, checked into the hotel, and headed off for my first adventure of the night: meeting the lovely Emily!

I kind of feel like I’ve known Emily forever; she was one of the first friends I made on Instagram, and it was awesome to finally get to meet in person! The acclaimed Chicago tiki bar, Three Dots and a Dash, just happened to be around the corner from my hotel…though I would have traveled much farther to experience this bar I’ve heard so much about! We had a lot of fun grabbing dinner and drinks (stay tuned for a full review!) and even found time to sneak back to the hotel for cookie sundaes. I’m sure no one is surprised that she’s an absolute peach & we had a grand ol’ time – I’m doing my best to convince her to come up to visit me next!

But as wonderful as meeting new/old friends is, the carousing and cookie-eating couldn’t last forever – I had to get changed to go see **DITA**.

The Art of the Teese

Photo by Kaylin Idora

I won’t make you wait: the show is incredible. It’s selling out all over, so if you’ve been waffling about getting tickets, get on that. Unfortunately, photos were not allowed during the show, so I don’t have any pics to share, but it was so much better to experience it without any distractions.

This was my first time seeing a show at House of Blues, and I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect; I’d purchased “GA Pit” tickets, but when I printed the ticket, it had a seat number on it. It was hard to imagine seeing a burlesque show standing in a pit, but…that’s what happened. I’m a cranky old person who doesn’t like standing for a long time, so I didn’t love that, but that con was definitely outweighed by the pro: I was able to get close. Like, third back from the barrier close.

The Art of the Teese tour is so fun and so sexy. I woke up in the morning with my throat as sore as after a rock concert; we were all screaming our heads off and having an amazing time. Dita is so perfect in person. I just…couldn’t even. She’s so small and so, so beautiful. Completely captivating. And the sets and costumes are, of course, sparkly, impeccable, and glorious.

I knew that various special guests would be appearing on the tour, but I didn’t research everyone who was going to be in Chicago. The surprises ended up being so much fun! I had heard Violet Chachki would be performing, but I completely lost my shit when the emcee introduced Dirty Martini. I really appreciated that even within a fairly limited cast list, the revue showcased dancers of different races, ages and sizes.

It feels weird to even try to review the show; it was a sparkling hurricane of sexy fun…literally, since the audience ended up blasted with shiny pink and silver confetti at the end of the night. I was completely enraptured; I’ve always been a big fan of burlesque, but watching one of Dita’s performances on Youtube just can’t compare to seeing her in the flesh…the pale, supple, smooth flesh…

The Journey Home

I hobbled my way back to the hotel on my poor aching feet and sore knees and promptly crashed. I’d planned to take advantage of the complimentary breakfast at the hotel…but, yeah, getting dressed and downstairs before 10 definitely wasn’t happening. Instead, I stopped by Firecakes, a rad artisan doughnut shop that was also just around the corner (I seriously picked the best located hotel, you guys), for a hot chocolate (with a HANDMADE MARSHMALLOW) and a doughnut to nibble on before I caught a ride to the bus station.

Unfortunately, the return trip became just a bit of a hot mess, but I’m not going to let that dampen the sparkle of those glamorous hours I got to spend in Dita’s universe.

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